Herland Report: Love? Marriage? Sex? No sex Marriage?Can a married couple have all three? Perhaps it’s unrealistic since so many marriages end in divorce today.
One reason might be that a reported 20% of all marriages are sexless and that number is rising. Why have some lost the lust in their marriages?
Is it technology, is it trust? More importantly, how can we “get back at it” in our marriages today?
Maureen McGrath hosts the Sunday Night Sex Show on News Talk 980 CKNW. She is a Registered Nurse, Sex Educator and author of Sex and Health.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. No sex Marriage?
The Sexless Marriage is a collection stories from Maureen’s sexual health nursing practice. She writes:
This week alone (& keep in mind it’s only Tuesday) 10 men have presented to my clinical practice because they are in sexless marriages. Yes sexless marriage is a thing.
Sexless marriage is defined by the experts as sex less than ten times a year. These married men are all lying in the same bed & they have so much in common. Here’s a snapshot.
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All of the relationships are reported (by them) to be good. (Problem #1). They are good friends with their spouse (Problem #2) & parent well together (Problem #3).
None of the wives will talk about sex. With their husbands. (Problem #4) None of the wives will seek help. (Problem #5) So how good are these relationships?
All of them men suffered some degree of anxiety. Remember men need sex to manage stress. Some men exercised excessively to deal with their sexless marriage. Some of them had cheated. Some were thinking about cheating. Most drank to decrease their anxiety. Other things went down too. (Problem #6, 7 & 8)
But perhaps the biggest problem is this: #9 None of these men are having penetrative sex. None. Not one. The reasons: 2 wives have sexual pain, 2 wives do not “orgasm that way”, 2 wives had body image issues, 3 women have low sexual desire & 1 only does hand jobs.
When I asked my clients, all 45 and under by the way, if they were OK with this for the rest of their lives, they all sheepishly said no. (Problem #10) Desperate men accept anything.
What these men didn’t realize is that they had become more or less roommates with their spouses. The intimacy is the tie that binds but this was badly broken.
All of these issues are pretty easy fixes. It’s about education, communication and leaving the bed of denial.
Maureen educates the reader on how the body functions from a sexual perspective and not only what may go wrong, but what one can do about it.
Intertwined within her storytelling are eloquent examples of passion, heartache, love, pain and hope.
She explains common aspects of the human condition, with all it’s emotion, angst and consequence especially when life brings unexpected challenges to a marriage.
Her tell it like it is style while educating the reader about sex, medical conditions and/or relationship issues that are common but still taboo is evident throughout.
She delicately explains the negative impact of certain medical conditions on intimacy.
You will learn, laugh and love just a little bit better knowing the ups and downs of sex and marriage through the lens of an Irish Catholic Nurse.
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